Suspicion

Back when I went to art school one summer at the well-respected Otis College of Art & Design in Los Angeles (summer between my sophomore and junior years in high school), I was part of a group of about 150 students each studying a different emphasis, mine was graphic design, my roommate decided to venture out and try fashion design. This summer was a milestone in so many ways, including an experience that I ended up writing about for my junior-year English class in high school, for which I received an A+! (so excited when I got that back ... it also made me wonder if I would have been a good detective... but this story for another day.) ;-)

But the other gift I received that summer was the gift of discovering new music. My roommate -- oddly enough, by chance, the only other redhead at summer school besides myself (we even got nicknamed! She was taller than me, so she was "Big Red" and subsequently, I was "The Other One", not sure if this was meant to be demeaning or not!) -- was a huge fan of English music. When I say English, I mean that cool stuff that we get from across the Pond. They seem to consistently produce some enduring little bands. You know... whatstheirnames? The Beatles? Oh yeah, them! Duran Duran? They sound sorta familiar.

Well, she introduced me to a group that was NOT well-known here in the states, but I fell in love with their music all the same. Back then, I made copies of her tapes on our dual-cassette-deck-enabled boom boxes (SOOO many things that seem WAY too dated in that sentence!). I listened to them until they wore down, and then in the day and age of MP3s, I was able to download their music. The group's name is Colourbox, and the lead singer's voice was so absolutely soulful, incredible, and the range of emotion she could reach touched my troubled teenage angst's soul.

In case you are a music maven, you MAY have heard of a group called M/A/R/R/S. They did a song released just slightly prior to the techno-era called "Pump Up the Volume" -- electronica before its' time. M/A/R/R/S was formed in the wake of the split of Colourbox (technically a collaboration with AR Kane), and I believe it really was their only hit, but still put them on the map. Colourbox also experimented with electronica, but by far their strengths (that spoke to me) were the soulful, slightly-1940's-inspired crooner tunes when Lorita Grahame joined the group, such as "Suspicion", "Arena", "Say You" and "The Moon is Blue". If you want a treat, this is the album to get (available on iTunes). They also did a great cover of the Supremes' "You Keep Me Hangin On" (found on this same album -- WAY better selections than their greatest hits CD -- and for a little more about their "World Cup theme", check this out)!

So the song I'm referencing in this blog post is called "Suspicion"... the interpretation of the meaning behind the lyrics could be read in so many different ways, but the chorus is what has stuck with me for years and years:

Fight against them or they'll break your spirit down
Fight against them or they'll try...
Try to, try to
It doesn't matter what they're sayin'
They're only trying to break you ...
What more would they ever need
When they're only trying to break you down

And how can I ever learn to keep them down
When they hide in places inside me

I bring this song up because this is also a response to my post, "Beautiful". When I feel like anyone else has tried to quash my spirit -- or worse yet -- when I've quashed my OWN spirit, this is such a pick-me-up! And in the midst of thoughts roaming my head earlier today, it occurred to me that I should have mentioned that perception and actuality can be such different things. When it comes to self-image though, should they be different, or should one exceed the other? What I often wonder is -- while although I also know that we are a product of our experiences -- how do we grow to have such distorted views of ourselves?

Have you ever looked at a picture of yourself and cringed -- only to see your flaws, while other people look at it and sing praises? Why are we taught that it's more humble or acceptable to put ourselves down? I'm not sure why it's a learned trait for women to find acceptance through other people's praises while men are encouraged to be confident.

However, this isn't a post about men vs. women at all, but I want to find a way to spread encouragement from a young age so that as everyone grows, especially through formative years, that we all have a positive self-image in our appearances, our talents and our successes. Maybe that's what I'm striving to do in my photography and why I spend hours editing the images that I post (more than I should), because I see so much beauty in people that I want to shine through, that I try to look at my images from my clients' eyes. Well that... and I love retouching, it probably comes from my years of doing fashion & beauty retouching for The Wet Seal, Inc.! But if I can make their beauty shine through my lens, and because I strive to get to **really** know them, I can see what they are going to be drawn to first, and I minimize any areas I think could be perceived as a flaw, and try to play up the assets. However, I try to keep the "ultimate truth" in the image and not make it unreasonable or have anyone look at their own portraits and see that it was an obvious retouching (fashion and editorial doesn't fall into this same category, though!). Personally, I think my clients are all so beautiful, that they never really need digital help. The lens is supposed to tell truth, ideally, and I don't want to deviate from that.

So when those demons inside you begin to rise, fight against them... don't let them break your spirit down! And in the words of (Saturday Night Live's) Stuart Smalley, repeat after me:

I am good enough
I am smart enough
And gosh darn it --
people like me!

Holiday Portraits

To top off this post, here are a few shots from a recent family holiday shoot I did at a park just down the street from me in Irvine, CA. Amazingly, we got some vibrant fall colors on our little west coast -- who knew it was possible? This is an example of a beautiful family -- inside and out. Even better, the day we shot these (November 22, 2009) was the 1-year anniversary of the day I shot Simon & Michelle's wedding! I love that they come back to me faithfully, it's such a compliment (it makes me do a happy dance). I love these people, they are warm, funny, inviting. I've actually known Simon for many years -- I originally met him through a former boss and did (and still do) graphic design work for him. So, I've also known Emma and Ben for years... they are growing up so wonderfully, I see them as a cornerstone for positive self-image, which is another reason I think these images are appropriate to this post, they don't seem overtly influenced by the negative influences that I think so many of us were subject to at their age. My wish for them is that their perception and actuality of themselves are always -- at the very least -- equal to each other. This family is so happy together, I love how they play around and know how to have fun and celebrate life! Even better is the positive self-reinforcement Ben & Emma get from their family. It gives me the warm fuzzies.

This one was their favorite for the holiday card choice...

We were walking to the bridge and I loved the background on this pathway, had to stop...

Emma and her dad. Love this shot!

This one is more of an "outtake" ... but sometimes those are the ones with the best personality!

Finally made our way to the bridge (a new addition to the William R. Mason Park!)

The sunset/fall-like colors generally were too awesome to convert to b&w and sepias, but I had to add a little of my own flair to this one.

Emma and Ben... don't they have amazing smiles?

A little sun flare never hurt anyone, right?

Another outtake... I love when they crack up! Michelle has the greatest laugh.

This is just for the gorgeous setting... I can't believe this is in the middle of the now-heavily developed Irvine.

I'm not sure what kind of bird this is exactly, but I thought it looked so elegant, it has such flowing lines so naturally.

And then it took off in flight... I think birds have such beauty and grace. I also love its' reflection on the water.

Thanks for reading! Next time I post, it will probably be after my birthday on Sunday. I may be a year older and wiser... but also a year BETTER. See ya'll on the flip side! Can't wait to be 29... again! :-)